Pronunciation Guide

Friday, June 14, 2013

H-guys and d-guys and inn-guys, oh my!

So, I finished chapter 16 on Wednesday!!! I still need to edit it a bit more, especially the newer parts. That is what I am going to do today. But my story has sixteen full, consecutive chapters, and that is…exciting. Weird, and exciting.

I realized some rather obvious things the other day, as I was writing said chapter…

One: There have only been H-guys in the story. We have seen no other men, as only H-guys can enter the brothel part…for reasons of the innkeeper’s. [Not telling! ;) ] {{Please note: H-guys are human. There are normal humans, and then there are H-guys. It is not a race, and it is not one ethnic group. It is just…who is in charge.}}

Two: Every H-guy, except one, has come into the story intent on, you know…being…not nice to her. And the one who hasn’t been cruel…isn’t really in the story; he comes in only in intermittent flashbacks. In the actual, present timeline, he is not “in” the story.

Three: And that one nice guy…well, it makes sense for him to be nice, because he likes her. He is interested in romantically pursuing her. He has a relationship with her; he has something invested in her. [His time, his emotions, his friendship…etc.]

So, truly, every single man who has been in this story thus far…has been, well…really bad. Some have been worse than others. And there is, of course, the terrible one that I am completely in love with. [By the way, I am truly “in love” with every single character in this story. …This is not weird for me.]

But now, for the first time in the present timeline of the story…we are seeing an H-guy…not be like the ones she has interacted with for the past five weeks of her life.  

None of the men who go to her room during that time know her. They have never seen her before [save one who comes twice], they don’t know her name [a few do ask], and they are not interested in romantically pursuing her. They have nothing invested in her; they only want what she can give them.

Reading through the first fifteen chapters of this story, one might come to the conclusion that I think all men are bad/cruel/rapists, and that this story is fueled by my personal hatred.

…Um, ha. Just ha. [Remember how I said I love my characters? …Yeah, even those ones.]

…Enter the guard. One of two gate guards who was not really intended to be anything other than, you know, a guard at the gate. I knew what he looked like [of course], and though he didn’t have a name at first, I’m sure I would have named him eventually. [Must. Know. Everything.] But I did not plan for him to become anyone…to do anything except let her out of the city.

But for the first time in the story, we are about to see a man…be nice to her. A man who doesn’t know who she is, at all. He has never seen her before, he doesn’t know her name, and he is not interested in romantically pursuing her. He has nothing invested in her…and he doesn’t want anything from her.

And he…is not that different, really. He is far more representative of the H-guys on the whole than the inn-guys are. Or, at least, him doing what he does is more representative. He is different only because she has seen a side of the H-guys that others don’t see as much. Her view of men, though understandable, is horribly distorted. She has been pounded with cruelty from men, so in her mind, men = cruel. Men will rape her. Men will hurt her. Men are to be feared. Men are never to be trusted.

But to be quiet honest…to be quite…chilling…most of the inn-guys, if they found themselves presented with the same situation that this guard thinks he is being presented with, would do the exact same thing that he does. Or arrange for someone to do it, at the very least.

…Has your mind been blown? Haha! I kind of just blew my own mind with this. It’s something I’ve known, but writing it out is like…wow. …Because they really would. As power-hungry as some of them are, and as warped as some of them are…most of them truly want to protect and provide for their people.

And so, this brings me back to what has kind of become the point of this story:

They. Don’t. Think. That. They. Are. Bad.

Quite the opposite --- they honestly think they are the good guys. Both H-guys and d-guys…they think they are in the right, that their cause is the noble one…that they are protecting their people against the evil enemy.

…There are forty-four men who go to her room. [Yuck. …Imagine writing that.] Some go because they are warped and perverted in their idea of sexuality. Some go because they are selfish and want immediate physical gratification. Some go hoping to prove themselves as powerful. Some go out of desperation to control something in their otherwise falling-apart life. Some go out of brokenness, hoping to numb their own pain.

Once, this story was about “evil” vs. “evil”.

Then it became more about “mostly good” vs. “evil”, with me swinging intensely in favor of the d-guys. [They look cooler, are “supernatural”, and they live in the forest. Duh. …Haha!] This was the point when I planned to kill off most of the H-guys at the end…and I was quite fine with that.

Then I caught myself, and attacked that mindset --- and it became “evil” vs. “evil” again, for a brief moment.

…Now…it is far more “brainwashed” vs. “brainwashed”.
“Indoctrinated” vs. “indoctrinated”.
“In bondage to generational prejudice” vs. “in bondage to generational prejudice”.

Now, the thought of killing anyone --- of any of the races --- is quite terrible. The last thing I would ever do in this story is wipe out my H-guys at the end. I love them waaaaayyy too much for that. Oh my gosh, I love them. I want to shake most of them…but I am so in love with them all. …What is WRONG with me?!

See, from the very beginning, my hope was to show that the d-guys and the H-guys are exactly the same. Different races, but the same. The entire point of the story was for the characters to learn that blood is blood, people are people, and life is life. Whether human, d-creature, k-creature [oooh, who are they!?! Muhaha!], or half-breed…everyone is the same. Everyone’s life has equal value. I have struggled --- clearly --- to keep that focus. But God keeps reigning me back in. Falling in love with the d-guys and k-guys was a given. They both naturally had my heart.

…Falling in love with the H-guys…seriously…that is ALL God there. …I am not even remotely joking. It is no exaggeration to say that I hated them all. [All except the one that likes her. He was always good.] I can’t even…like, guys…I do not kill characters easily. I agonize over it. I wish I could stop writing about war so I wouldn’t have to kill people! [Dummy!] For me to be fine with killing off a ton of characters…I kind of cringe at myself when I say that now. HOW could I have ever been okay with that?

I am not the same. …I am so not the same.

…Oh, and all I am saying, is that starting with this adorably sweet guard and at least for the rest of book one…there are pretty much only nice guys. Unless something changes…the male characters from this point on that are actually in the story [i.e., not flashbacks/dreams, or only in the story for a moment]…are genuinely nice.  

And I. Am. So. Excited. For. You. To. Meet. Them.


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